Saturday, December 22, 2012

I Miss You Like Crazy

I miss you like really crazy. I have no idea what I have to do to meet you again. In a dream? NO. I want to meet you in REAL LIFE. Can I? God, can you hear me?

No one can explain how ache my heart was when I know you're gone. Gone from this world. You're my only motivation to live in this world. Do you see how much I miss you right now? When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. Its like the whole world was end in second when I know you already left me here.

I just like the crazy idiot when in airport.. On the way to meeting your body, without your soul anymore. Crying all the way.. Other passenger will probably think I'm a crazy girl that just breakup with her boyfriend. I can't explain how I feel when I have a call that telling you already pass away. Feel like my whole world end in a second. I always feel scared whenever there is a call from our family.. Cause I know it means there is something wrong with you in there..

I still remember the last time I see you when you are still awake, not coma.. You smile at me, the smile is different than before. I can't forget with that smile. I have no idea it will be the last smile you give to me.. And the last time when you hold my hand when I want go back to Malaysia again. You hold my hand even when you're coma.. I'm shock too, cause normally you have no reaction to anything.. But when grandma say.. "Look who's here.. the daughter that you love the most. She have to go back today, can you please wakeup to say goodbye to her?". And all people in the room broke in tears, including me. I've never see my grandma look so hopeless before. My heart hurts. I feel pain, I can't be there for you at your crucial moment. I'm terribly sorry. What you have to know is I really love you no matter what.

Sometimes I think there's no need to maintain my health, anyway I will be happy if I can follow you more faster. I feel like there is no need for me to keep alive as you already gone too. And I keep do things that will ruin my body, my health. Keep do all those things so I can be sick and could follow you as soon as possible. But then I realize, it will causing a problem to other person.. And make other person worry about me.. I'm sure you will feel the same too.. Right? So for everyone sake, I will do my best to make everybody proud of me and not worry about me. Take my words. I will make you smile from there. Don't worry, I will be okay.. Keep guiding my path and remind me if I do something wrong, okay?

See you.. Daddy.. And I love you.


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